October 16, 2008

Blah-ness


I feel blah. You know that yucky feeling that you can't properly describe? The way it makes you feel demoralized, passionless, ... well blah! Coming home after a trip abroad is like waking up from a dream. Back at NAIA airport, standing by the baggage claim, reality snapped back and my mood instantly shifted somewhere between melancholy and grief. I knew when I left that I’ll eventually had to come. This time I didn’t extend my stay the way I used to so many times before. I knew that after 24 days of carefree fun, away from responsibilities, tight schedules and predictable routines, I would have to face everyday life again.

Work is a dread these days. My frame of mind is fluctuating somewhere between apathy and aggression. I catch myself daydreaming about the places I’ve seen, the places I wanted to see but didn’t have the time to and the places I’m planning on seeing next. My diagnosis is clear. I have an acute homecoming depression. I suppose that my condition is worsen by the fact that I have a predisposition for itchy feet.  

Aargh! This is so frustrating. I wake up on the morning happy after a good night’s sleep. I’m passed the jetlag insomnia phase. But then I realize that I have to get ready for yet another day of ordinariness, slipping back into “normality”, worrying about traffic, difficult clients, moody superiors, overdue laundry and an empty fridge. So what do I do now? I figured, after some research on reverse culture shock, homecoming blues and the likes that the only solution was to drop the past regret, stop the future anticipation and focus on the present. 

Easier said than done. As usual. The past is easier to let go. But the future is stubborn. My head constantly updates the list on the places I want to travel. Egypt, Greek islands, safari in Africa, Angkor Wat, China, Palawan, Bali… the list goes on and on. I finally get what the present is for. Those never-ending days at the office, the rat race… for one, the time spent “home” is what pays for the trips. I have yet to find a gold donkey. And most of all, the mundane life at home is what causes the excitement and exoticism of traveling. So while I ponder on those thoughts, here are, in random order, the places that trigger my wanderlust.

1 comment:

Chinkee said...

Sigh... I feel you girl. Sometimes I check out the web sites of different airlines for no reason... compare rates, their different routes, even the slobber-worthy menus of first class. It actually gets me out of the funk for a bit, but only for a short while. Oh well...

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