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Brgy. San Lorenzo Sunday Market
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My sister recently blogged (yes, we are a family of geeks) about how envious she was about my life and the choices I made. In her eyes, I have always fought for what I wanted, despite the hardships, the challenges and the stones that have been thrown on my way. She envies me for the love I found, the home that I’m trying to create in
(…) My older sister. Seven years older than me, almost eight. When I was still little I was so impressed by her. My parents trusted her completely and for good reasons. I thought she had the perfect relationship, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect friends and the perfect grades. All in all, the perfect life. But as all of us, she experienced setbacks. But funny enough, that just made me look up to her even more. Because she never gave up, always followed through with what she thought was right. She never listened to anyone but herself, not even to my parents. And they can be quite convincing and sometimes they can seem mean, even though I know they love us from the bottom of there heart and want to protect us.
I have always been jealous of her, she had all I ever wanted. And to be honest, she still does. I am the rebel of the family, or at least I used to be. I wanted to go out and party when I wasn't supposed to and I never managed to make a man stick to me for long enough... but my sister found her true love, her soulmate. When you see them together, you just know, this is how it is supposed to be. And I envy her so much, you can't imagine... on my way of finding something at least half as beautiful as what she has, I have gone over a few boyfriends, some of which I am not very proud of.
But I am not the romantic one of the family. It even seems like I am not the one that has family, house with garden and fence, written in her future. I am the career-oriented one. I travel around the world because that's what you do when you are in the hospitality business. I have crazy working hours, and I even do some overtime to impress the boss. I study like crazy, top of my class, because this job is what I want to do. I want to be a business woman. I want to be the general manager of the big hotels of this world. So I look up to my sister, and I envy her, because she has, what I gave up when I started my insanely-expensive hospitality management studies... a steady partner to love. A home. (…)
Ironically enough, I envy her for just the opposite. I gave up the ambitious career dreams I had for something as capricious as love. Don’t get me wrong, I have to regrets regarding my choices, even the wrong ones, as they made me who I am today and because ultimately it made me happy. Life is the sum of all your choices. We are shaped by the decisions we make.
But I look back sometimes and wonder how my life would have been. I see my little sister today, working in a glamorous hotel, meeting all those people I only hear about on TV and I’m jealous. She has all those doors opened in front of her. She can become who ever she wants to be. Life has so much in store for her. Not that mine hasn’t, but I set different priorities… and i got lucky that love didn't disappoint me.
But despite our differences and the distance between us, she and I are alike. We are driven do what we have to do to find happiness.Her post comes at a time in which I’m actually on the verge of change; trying to find my way back to my initial dreams of becoming a successful business woman. So all isn’t black or white. She’ll find her soulmate one day. And I'll stop wondering what if... Most importantly, no matter what, I’ll always be proud of her. She’s my little sister.
I feel blah. You know that yucky feeling that you can't properly describe? The way it makes you feel demoralized, passionless, ... well blah! Coming home after a trip abroad is like waking up from a dream. Back at NAIA airport, standing by the baggage claim, reality snapped back and my mood instantly shifted somewhere between melancholy and grief. I knew when I left that I’ll eventually had to come. This time I didn’t extend my stay the way I used to so many times before. I knew that after 24 days of carefree fun, away from responsibilities, tight schedules and predictable routines, I would have to face everyday life again.
Work is a dread these days. My frame of mind is fluctuating somewhere between apathy and aggression. I catch myself daydreaming about the places I’ve seen, the places I wanted to see but didn’t have the time to and the places I’m planning on seeing next. My diagnosis is clear. I have an acute homecoming depression. I suppose that my condition is worsen by the fact that I have a predisposition for itchy feet.
Aargh! This is so frustrating. I wake up on the morning happy after a good night’s sleep. I’m passed the jetlag insomnia phase. But then I realize that I have to get ready for yet another day of ordinariness, slipping back into “normality”, worrying about traffic, difficult clients, moody superiors, overdue laundry and an empty fridge. So what do I do now? I figured, after some research on reverse culture shock, homecoming blues and the likes that the only solution was to drop the past regret, stop the future anticipation and focus on the present.
Easier said than done. As usual. The past is easier to let go. But the future is stubborn. My head constantly updates the list on the places I want to travel.